Monster Mini Golf
by Twisties
Summary: Maureen and Collins need something to do with their time so they go Mini golfing. Will it be worth their time?


**Disclaimer: I don't own RENT, or Monster Mini Golf. Nor do I actually think you should be dirty just 'cause you live in Jersey...okay, the end. I think.**

**Monster Mini Golf**

"Ugh…Joanne, why is there nothing to doooo?" Maureen groaned from the living room couch as she watched a rerun of Jerry Springer.

"Ugh…Maureen, I don't knooooow," Joanne replied mocking Maureen's childish outburst. "Why? What do you want to do anyway? It's your day off…you should just be content to relax around the house with your sexy wife."

Maureen groaned and rolled her eyes, "Joanne…you're working. And not even like sexy secretary working. You're wearing an old tee shirt and what looks like Collins sweats. You're not all that sexy today."

Joanne gave Maureen a look and mumbled, "You definitely won't be getting any tonight…"

"What was that baby?"

"Nothing, nothing at all…You really are bored though, huh?"

"Yeah. Pookie, find me something entertaining to do."

"I'm working. Remember? I can't entertain you right now…isn't Jerry Springer enough for one day for you?"

"No. I want to do something…I want some human interaction!!"

Joanne shook her head and returned to the case at hand, "Well Honeybear, I'm sorry but right now I have to work. Maybe later we can go for a walk or something."

Maureen whined even more at this, "A walk?! That is über boring!"

"Then find something else to do then!" Joanne replied as she gave up trying to please the diva who wouldn't be pleased.

"Fine, I will…" Maureen huffed. Five minutes later she still hadn't found anything to do and was getting restless.

"Pookie, I'm sorry I called you not sexy…you wanna have sex?"

"No. I'm doing my work."

"Well what am I to do, Joanne?"

"I dunno…call Collins or something, isn't he your best friend?"

"Why didn't I think of that earlier?! Joanne, you're a genius!" Maureen ran over to Joanne's desk and kissed her in excitement. As she ran to get the phone she began singing.

"Me and Collins are gonna have fu-un! Me and Collins are gonna have fu-un! Me and Collins are gonna have fu-un! Ye-e-es we are!"

Joanne smiled to herself at how cute Maureen was when she was happy as Maureen waited for Collins to answer the phone.

"Hello? Angel…I'm good…is Collins home? … he's in the bathroom…hmm, well give him the phone anyway…no, he'll understand, it's important…Thanks Angel!"

"Mo?" Collins answered from apparently the bathroom.

"Get your ass off the toilet! We need to go have fun somewhere, I'm bored!"

"Umm, well give me like…hold on…..I'm done!" Maureen heard the sound of a toilet flushing and cringed. "So, Mrs. Johnson, where would you like to go today?"

"Well, I was hoping you had an idea. I've just been watching Jerry Springer all day."

"Me too!! Did you see the episode with the fat ladies fighting over a midget?"

"That was the BEST!" Maureen replied. As she was discussing the fighting techniques with Collins, a commercial came on the television that caused both parties to silence in awe.

_Come to Monster Mini Golf! The newest, coolest, indoor mini golf experience! Glow in the dark courses, amazing dance grooves! We'd show you pictures, but you wouldn't believe us!! Come now!!_

"Mo, are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

"Yes…Collins, I wanna go!"

"Oh my god me too!! Wait, do you have a car?"

"No…it got totaled and Angel won't let me drive hers."

"Well I got too many tickets and Joanne won't let me drive ours either…Collins what are we gonna do?!"

"Um, come on…we can do this…okay, it's in Jersey. Do you wanna take a cab?"

"That would be more money than we had combined…and I don't feel right ripping off the little guy."

"Hmm, okay, so what about the subway? We could pay for that…"

"I guess we could, but it might take a long time. Wait! I've got it! I'll ask Joanne if she can bring us and you ask Angel…one of them has to be nice enough…"

Maureen went to ask Joanne if she'd bring her and Collins to play mini-golf and Collins asked Angel the same thing.

"Hey Joanne," Maureen said seductively as she walked over and sat on the lawyer's lap. "You wanna _drive_ me somewhere wild?" The diva blew air onto Joanne's neck in a steady stream and then followed her path wit h her tongue.

Joanne put her hand over Maureen's face and moaned. "God, you're driving me wild woman…what am I gonna do with you?"

Maureen then leaned close to Joanne's ear and whispered, "Drive Collins and me to Monster Mini Golf in Jersey…"

Joanne giggled, "What?"

"Drive us to go play mini golf! Come on Jo! You're the one who told me I had to find something to do so I did. But it's not in the city and by the time we get there on the subway, it'll be closed. Come on, please?" Maureen then added that irresistible pout that pulled on Joanne's heartstrings.

"I wish I could Honeybear, but the car's in the shop right now. Why do you think I've been taking the cab this week?"

"Shit…well hopefully Angel can bring us there…"

"Hopefully…now Collins is probably waiting for you on the phone so you should probably go pick it back up or something…"

"Oh yeah! Collins!" Maureen made a mad dash to the phone, not before kissing Joanne on the cheek, and picked it up. "Hello Collins, you still there my big gay teddy bear?"

"Still here you sleazy hoe-bag. So, Angel said she can bring us, but we have to leave in like twenty minutes. Can you be here in twenty minutes?"

"Can a cat bark and a dog meow?"

Collins chuckled at Maureen, "Um, I don't know. Ask me when I'm high. But I'm assuming that means that you can be here in twenty, right?"

"Right. Okay, peace out homey!"

"Peace!"

**Twenty Minutes Later**

"Hey chica! You made it!" Angel greeted Maureen warmly at the front door and let her inside the apartment.

"Yep, thanks for bringing us Ang. Joanne would have brought us, but the car's not working right now."

"Oh sugar, you know its no problem at all!"

Collins retreated out of the bedroom then with a pair of khakis and an NYU hoodie on. Maureen squealed in delight and ran to embrace her best friend.

"Best buddy!!" she screamed.

"Best buddy!!" he screamed in reply.

"You're looking very academic today Professor…"

"You're looking very…not academic today, Mrs. Johnson."

"Well, thank you!" Maureen replied as she posed for her own entertainment.

Angel laughed at the two of them and spoke up, "Come on you two, let's go."

The drive to Monster Mini Golf wasn't too far; it took about 45 minutes excluding rush hour traffic on the **GW Bridge. **With it, the trip was about an hour and fifteen minutes. But during that time, the ride was anything but uneventful. Collins and Maureen mooned the Hudson River, threw paper airplanes out of the windows and actually became intoxicated. It got to the point that Angel had to place the two of them on probation.

"Alright you two. I'm not getting pulled over for your shenanigans so you better cut it out. I will _turn_ this car around! Don't doubt me either!"

"Yes ma'am," the two replied in unison. As they promised to behave for Angel, she stopped the car.

"We're here! Now, I'm gonna go shopping in that little plaza over there, just come find me when you're ready to leave okay?"

"Coolies. Thanks babe!" Collins kissed Angel on the cheek and ran with Maureen into what seemed like an epic place to be.

The friends walked inside and went up to the front desk to buy the putters. The man working at the desk was a little odd looking. He had a shaggy beard and old dingy looking clothes. He actually smelled a bit, but it was New Jersey, what could you expect?

"Well, hey-lo there. What can Ah get you two kahnd folks?" The man asked.

"Um two tickets, I guess?" Maureen said staring at what she now saw was a mouth full of yellow teeth.

"Okey doke, don't 'cha know. That'll be 15. Have a nice time now, don't 'cha."

"O…kay." When the two friends walked away they burst out laughing at the man with the switching accents.

"Mo, that guy was hilarious!"

Maureen burst out laughing too, "I know! Who'd he think he was tricking, switching accents like that…the amateur."

"Well, let's do what we drove so far to do…let's Monster Mini GOLF!!"

Maureen let out what could be taken as a battle cry and ran onto the course swinging her putter around trying to get her ball into the hole. Throughout the entire course, she wasn't very successful, but then again, neither was Collins. In the end, going mini golfing was a let down. The course was way too small, there were these annoying little kids behind them, and it was a bit pricy.

"Ugh, come on, let's go get Angel…this was a waste of my money." Collins moped and started towards the door.

"Yeah, they could have at least put pictures in the commercial so we would have known that it was going to be boring."

"I knoooow. But at least we got best buddy bonding time together right?"

"Right, well let's go get your woman before she takes all of your money and wastes it on clothes."

"Oh shit! I forgot Angel was shopping! We gotta go now!"

Maureen shook her head and started towards the door, "Well, if you're lucky she might have spent some of the money on some sexy bedtime stuff…you know, for when your doing the beeswax…"

"Ohhh yeah…so maybe tonight hasn't been such bummer."

"Nope! We got to spend some time together and you'll be getting some hot sex tonight. Not a bad day at all if I say so myself."

And the two friends walked away in the sunset. Until they found Angel shopping. After which they got into the car and drove away. Well, actually they drove against the sunset because of the direction they went. Shit, forget about it. They left Jersey and went back to their home in NYC.

You know what,

Fin.

**A/N: Okay, I got a little silly at the end. This happened to me actually, except not in Jersey and there was not hot gay sex at the end of it. Or cross-dressers for that matter. Actually, just the mini golfing happened. Hoped you liked it!!**


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